5 Things NOT to Say to Your Spouse Who is Going Through Menopause
You love your partner, through thick and thin, through good times and bad. However, when your spouse is going through menopause, you might find it puts a strain on your relationship. This is incredibly common! Like other stages of a long-term relationship, menopause brings huge shifts for your partner and the ways in which you interact, and it’s perfectly normal to struggle with the transition.
With tensions running high, it might seem like the smallest things you say can upset your spouse. However, from their perspective, certain remarks are not small at all! There are some things that you should definitely avoid saying to your partner when they’re going through menopause. It will help to show that you understand and respect what they’re dealing with, and keep things positive. Here are a few of them to be aware of!
Aren’t You Too Young for That?
Menopause is something that’s associated with growing older, so it might surprise you to hear that your partner is beginning to go through it at a younger age than you thought they would. Menopause tends to occur on average between the ages of 45 and 55, but it is possible for it to happen sooner.
Telling someone they’re too young for menopause can feel like a well-meaning compliment, but for many women, it’s just a painful reminder that they’re aging. Menopause can be difficult mentally and emotionally as well as physically, and it’s kindest to tread lightly around the subject of age during this time. Your partner might be feeling sad about getting older without you realizing!
It’s Freezing in Here!
Hot flashes are the classic symptom of menopause. Everyone hears about them, every woman dreads them, and everyone who experiences them knows what a pain they are. They can strike at any time, interrupt your sleep, and make you wildly uncomfortable in the most inconvenient moments. When your partner is having a hot flash, she’s sure to be stressed, sweaty, and altogether miserable.
In these moments, the most considerate thing to do would be to avoid pointing out the hot flash unless she mentions it herself, and don’t make any comments about the temperature. If she’s turned up the AC and you’re cold, grab a sweater without making a big fuss. Complaining about the temperature might only make her feel worse!
Did You Gain Weight?
Menopause can lead to a lot of physical changes in a woman’s appearance, including weight gain, hair thinning, changes in body or facial hair, or changes in breast volume. Simply put, your partner is likely to be especially sensitive about her looks at this time, and off-handed comments might strike a little deeper than you intended them to.
If you notice a change in your partner’s appearance like thinning hair or weight gain, it’s best to keep any observations about it to yourself. Instead, focus on pointing out the things you find beautiful about your partner that she can feel confident about. Remind her that you find her attractive and sexy– a small compliment can go a long way!
You’re Lucky Your Period is Gone!
It seems like the one upside of menopause: no more dealing with a period each month! While this is true and it’s something many women consider to be a silver lining during menopause, it might upset your partner to have it pointed out.
For one thing, losing your period is just another reminder that you’re getting older, something few women are particularly excited about. It might also be saddening for some women to know that they’re out of their childbearing years– they may have wanted a bigger family, or never got the chance to have children when they wanted to. If your partner mentions being grateful that her period is gone, it’s great to join her in rejoicing, but otherwise, it might be best to avoid mentioning it. You never know what might be on her mind when it comes to changes in her body.
You’re Not in the Mood Again?
Changes in your sex life are a major source of relationship strain during menopause. The hormonal changes this transition brings are likely to affect your partner’s libido, as well as how comfortable and enjoyable sex actually is for her. You might find that you’re suddenly having much less sex than you used to, leaving you feeling frustrated and distant.
This is shaky territory. Guilting your partner or complaining about her lower sex drive or physical changes is never something you want to do. At best, it’s rude and inconsiderate, and at worst, it borders on coercing her into sex. However, you’re not wrong to feel lonely or upset with this change in your relationship! Those feelings are normal and worth fixing. Find a time to calmly and kindly talk to your partner about the shift in your sex life. Acknowledge her struggles and that you know this isn’t her fault, and lay out how you’re feeling and that you want to work together to fix the problem. Cooperating on finding a solution can result in your relationship coming out even stronger on the other side!
Menopause doesn’t have to mean that your relationship with your partner turns sour. It’s a period of change like others that you’ve gotten through together, and with plenty of open communication, love, and support, you’ll get through this one, too. If your partner is really struggling with the symptoms of menopause, hormonal replacement therapy might be a good way for her to find some relief. You can both learn more from Renewed Vitality today!
Menopause is a process that every woman goes through when she reaches a certain age. It’s completely natural and normal. It’s also annoying, disheartening, and at times can feel a little embarrassing. Just because it’s something that’s supposed to happen doesn’t mean that it’s easy to deal with!
Additionally, for a long time in our society, periods, menopause, and women’s health in general was something that wasn’t meant to be discussed in public, and even talking about it among your female friends was shaky ground. It can be hard to break that habit! However, as we all get more open discussing our reproductive health, there are a lot of benefits to be gained by talking to your friends about going through menopause, especially your female friends of a similar age who are in the same boat! Here are some of the reasons to have those conversations.
Feel Supported
If there’s one thing you can learn from talking to your friends about menopause, it’s this– you’re not alone! Every woman goes through this process, and the struggles and challenges you’re facing, while they aren’t much fun, are normal and not something to be scared or ashamed of. Talking to people who understand what you’re going through can be a huge benefit to your support system. After all, your family members or friends who don’t have a frame of reference are helpful, but they can’t fully relate. The feeling of mutual support that you can get from talking to your friends about menopause is something very valuable.
Exchange Coping Tips
Hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, fatigue– the list of unpleasant symptoms of menopause goes on. Again, while they’re normal and to be expected, they’re a complete pain! Talking to your friends who are experiencing the same symptoms can be hugely helpful in dealing with them. They may have methods and tips that you never thought of that make these annoyances much easier to cope with. Maybe one of your friends puts a facial mist in the fridge for hot flashes, or another has found the perfect method for dealing with night sweats. Collaboration is the name of the game when it comes to friends helping each other through this tough time.
Appreciate Aging Together
It can be tough to look for the silver lining during a process that doesn’t feel very fun, but the truth is that there’s a unique beauty in every stage of life that you get to experience, including this one. You and your friends are changing physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially, and there are upsides and downsides to those changes, but they’re all worth appreciating. Being able to get older and experience this point in your life is a gift, and talking to your friends and hearing about their experiences can help you to find the positives and appreciate aging alongside each other!
Practice Communication
During menopause, your relationships with people in your life– like partners, family members, or children– might get a little bit strained. You’re under a lot of stress that they don’t have the ability to fully understand, and it can lead to arguments and tension. When you talk to your friends, however, you’re talking to people who are in the same boat, and who understand the difficulties! Things like mood swings and general annoyance at the process of menopause are common, and talking to your friends can be a good way to practice communicating what’s going on and stating what you need. When you can carry these skills over to the other relationships in your life, you might be surprised at how the strain eases up!
Normalize the Transition
The more we openly talk about things like menopause, the more normalized and accepted they become in society. This makes it easier for women to learn what’s common and what’s uncommon, and makes resources that ease the difficulties of menopause, like hormone replacement therapy (HRT), much more accessible! You might’ve heard in chatting with your friends that HRT can lessen the symptoms of menopause and make the process easier to cope with, and that can be available to you at Renewed Vitality in Wyomissing, PA. Check out our hormonal services today to learn more!
Eventually every woman begins to experience some of the symptoms of menopause, and even when you know it’s coming, it can still be a challenging time! As the partner of someone who is going through menopause, it can be difficult for you to know what the right course of action is. You want to help the person that you love, but oftentimes it doesn’t seem like there’s much you can do at all, and you end up feeling powerless to make this transition easier for them.
While you certainly can’t stop the natural process of you and your partner aging, there are some ways that you can show support and help your partner as they go through menopause. Here are some good things to keep in mind.
Learn What to Expect
One of the best ways for you to support your partner is to do your homework. If you’re not familiar with what the effects of menopause actually look like and what your partner is and will soon be experiencing, now is the time find out!
Educate yourself on things like mood swings, hot flashes and night sweats, sleep problems, weight gain, hair thinning, and the many other physical effects that menopause can have. Not only will this help you to be more understanding of what your partner is going through, it can keep you from blundering into awkward situations where you make hurtful comments about something that they can’t control.
Be Understanding of Mood Swings
While not everyone experiences mood swings during menopause, it is a common symptom. The occasional bad mood is normal, but sudden and intense changes of mood that disrupt a person’s daily life and relationships are most likely a result of changing hormone levels during menopause.
Even when you know that your partner’s crankiness is caused by menopausal mood swings, pointing this out to them is probably not the best idea. No one likes to be told they’re being irrational and hormonal when they really feel upset! Instead, try not to take them personally and if needed, discuss the situation with your partner later when they’re in a better headspace.
Communicate
You’re never going to be able to get through this next phase in your relationship together if you and your partner simply rely on assumptions about each other to understand what’s going on between you. Now is the time to focus on open and honest communication more than ever.
Discuss with your partner what the best ways are that you can offer support, and what you need from them in order to feel content and fulfilled in your relationship. Build a plan for how to handle fights and other disagreements. Practice active listening and being mutually patient with each other. All of these things can help your relationship to become stronger through this transitional phase.
Stay Healthy Together
Focusing on physical health like diet and exercise can help to make the symptoms of menopause easier to manage, so make forming healthy habits a part of your relationship that you do together!
Evening walks, weekend yoga sessions, or healthy cooking classes can be a great way for you and your partner to spend time with each other, and building in these healthy practices will help to make menopause a less challenging time for them. Plus, you get to reap the benefits of a healthier lifestyle as well!
Look Into Treatments
Sometimes, the symptoms of menopause are unpleasant enough that treatment is required. If this is something that your partner is open to, you can help them by assisting in researching possible treatments and therapies that can alleviate their symptoms and make their life easier as they continue to age.
Hormone replacement therapy (or HRT) has been shown to be extremely helpful in alleviating the symptoms of menopause, and at Renewd Vitality in Wyomissing, PA is the premier facility for HRT in the Berks County area. If your partner is interested in hormone replacement therapy for menopause, contact us today!
It’s no secret that as you age, sex can start to look different from how it did when you were younger. This is a combination of many different factors, from the shifting mental, emotional, and social influences on your life to physical and chemical changes in your body. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing– it’s natural for your sex drive to change and slow down as you get older, and you can still have a healthy sex life no matter your age. It’s good to know what changes to expect, however, and that if you’re struggling with changes to your sex drive as you age, there are routes you can take to help combat the less-than-enjoyable effects. Here’s a quick breakdown of what the evolution of an adult’s sex drive typically looks like. Remember, everyone is different, so these are not hard and fast milestones so much as generalizations.
20s and 30s
You might assume that both men and women have their highest libidos around the same age, but that’s surprisingly not true! In men, testosterone is high in the 20s, and sex drive is usually high along with it.
For women, libido is a little lower during the 20s but tends to go up in the 30s. Sex drive is a very complicated subject, and scientists haven’t conclusively proven why this happens, but it’s generally assumed that there’s a correlation between the increase of sex drive and the decrease in fertility that happens in the late 20s to 30s. High fertility in your 20s might lead to an evolutionary instinct to be more selective about sex.
Pregnancy
Most women who have children do so sometime in their 20s and 30s, and this has some serious effects of sex drive, not just during the pregnancy, but afterwards as well. It’s common to experience a boost in libido during the second trimester and be disinterested in sex at other times, but this isn’t the case for everyone. Some women experience an unusually high sex drive during pregnancy, or an unusually low one, or they might be anxious about whether it’s safe (the answer is typically yes, but double check with your doctor if you’re nervous). The stress of raising children can also lead to a decrease in sex drive after the baby arrives.
40s
Around the age of 35, testosterone levels in men start to drop, which can cause a decrease in sex drive as well. These changing hormone levels continue into the 40s, and the decrease might be fairly gradual for some men or faster for others.
Women, on the other hand, tend to have fairly high sex drives and active sex lives in their 40s. Some studies indicate that women around this age are more likely to have sex more often and earlier on in a relationship, as well as having more intense fantasies.
50s
For men, sex drive around this age is usually significantly lower than it was earlier in life, although there’s no reason for this to get in the way of a healthy sex life. Erectile dysfunction does become more common in men as they get older, but this actually has less to do with age and more to do with other health problems that become common with age, like obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and high cholesterol. Medications for these conditions and others can also lead to erectile dysfunction, and you should discuss it with your doctor if it’s becoming a problem.
For women, lowered stress levels from environmental factors like the kids moving out or less worry around getting pregnant might lead to an increased interest in sex, but the onset of menopause can throw a bit of a wrench in the works with hormonoal changes leading to things like vaginal dryness, lowered libido, and mood changes or sleep problems. These are also things you should discuss with your doctor.
What Can I Do?
If you’re struggling with the effects of aging on your sex life, hormone replacement therapy might be a great option for you! At Renewed Vitality, our bioidentical hormones are more efficient and have less adverse effects than synthetic hormones, and giving yourself a boost of testosterone or estrogen as needed can help to get you feeling more normal and get your sex life back on track. If you’re interested in this treatment, please contact us here to learn more!
Let’s face it: dating is no cakewalk even when you’re young, but when you get older, it gets more and more difficult. You become busier, your needs and standards become more concrete, and depending on your situation, you might be getting back into the dating game after being out of it for a while. Sometimes, the whole thing might feel like more trouble than it’s worth, but just because dating in your 50s and above isn’t as easy as dating in your 20s, that doesn’t mean that you should simply content yourself to be alone if it isn’t what you really want! Finding and building a happy relationship in your older years is 100% possible, and whether you’re divorced, widowed, getting out of a long relationship or just never dated much to begin with, you can still find love at any age. Dating later in life can look quite a bit different to dating in young adulthood, so here are some tips for dating over 50 that you might find useful!
Don’t Apologize for Your Age
First and foremost, you should never feel like your age is something you have to conceal, be embarrassed about, or explain away. Trying to look or act younger than you are isn’t going to improve the impression you make on people– in fact, it’ll probably seem fake and might put people off. You may feel the urge to airbrush wrinkles out of profile pictures or even lie about your age, but that’s an urge worth resisting.
Age is not something to be ashamed of! You’ve lived a wonderful life, experienced many fun and interesting things, and you still have a long way to go on your journey with more goals to achieve. Don’t be scared to let people see that about you. Confidence and embracing who you are will always be attractive.
Don’t Dwell on Past Relationships
You can tell a lot about someone by the way they talk about their ex. This is both a pointer for you and a tool that you can use to screen potential significant others. Relationships, especially long-standing ones, can be messy, but if a person talks about a past love or spouse with a lot of anger and hatred, especially while you’re still just getting to know them, it’s almost always a red flag, especially if they have more than one story of a relationship turned sour. Remember, if they have one “crazy” ex, it’s probably the ex. If they have multiple crazy exes, it’s probably them that’s the crazy one.
If you have a relationship in your past, try to always talk about your former partner with as much respect and composure as possible, even if things didn’t end on the best of terms. Additionally, although it can be hard, fight the urge to compare your new relationship to a past one. You’re getting to know a new person now, so try to put aside your expectations and meet them with an open mind!
Embrace Technology
If you’ve been out of the dating game a while, getting back into the swing of things can make you feel like you went to sleep and accidentally woke up years in the future. Things have changed a lot in the dating world, and adjusting to it can be tricky. However, once you get over the fear factor, you might find that the rise of technology in dating is actually very useful. Dating apps are a great way to get the ball rolling on meeting people nearby, particularly if you don’t have a lot of time to meet people out and about. There are even apps aimed specifically at older age groups, so don’t be afraid to get in there and give them a try. Don’t be scared to get flirtatious over text either!
Additionally, technology can help with the safety element of dating. Now you can do a quick google search of a potential partner, and it’s always better to find out about that mugshot right from the start than it is to be surprised by it down the line. On most phones today, there’s also a feature that lets you share your geographical location with a contact, which is a good thing to do as a safety precaution before you head out on a date with someone you don’t know that well.
Have Fun!
Take a deep breath and try to relax. Trying to balance your busy life with finding love can be stressful, but remember that dating is supposed to be fun! One of the downsides of dating as a young adult is that the pressure to get married and have a family before you’re “past your prime” is intense. When you date at an older age, one of the main perks is that the pressure is off! You can still date with the intention of getting married, and having a family together isn’t off the table, but you can take things at a relaxed, more casual pace and fall in love with someone in your own time. Feel free to let loose, be playful, and enjoy where the next years of your life are going to take you. Good luck!
Everyone has some notion about what it means to grow older. These ideas aren’t always positive and can generate a certain level of anxiety around getting on in years. In many cases however, these tend to be myths and misconceptions about how our bodies change as we get older.
While there is some truth to every myth, getting older is always a subjective experience, unique to each person. Let’s take a look at some of the most prevalent thoughts regarding aging, and how they might not be entirely accurate for everyone.
Older People Can’t Adapt
This is a major myth. While it is true that some people don’t adapt to change in their older age, it’s also possible that those same people didn’t adapt to change when they were younger either! As we age, it’s entirely up to each person to decide how they will roll with changes to their everyday life. While it might be harder to adapt after years of living the same lifestyle, age isn’t the only factor.
Your Brain Isn’t As Sharp As It Used To Be
It’s a common trope that older people are mentally slowed or have bad memories. It’s a stereotype that doesn’t take into account each person’s unique experiences and qualities. Regular mental exercises and continuing to challenge yourself can keep memories and wits sharp even as we age. This is true at any age!
Older People Don’t Have Sex Lives
As we’ve discussed in previous articles, getting older doesn’t mean that your sex life disappears. It does change though! As hormone levels shift when we get older, we need to learn to adapt and figure out what works best for each of us. Physical changes might also have an impact on sexual relationships, but learning to adapt and live with changes is a normal part of getting older. In many cases, imbalances in hormone production can be addressed through hormone replacement therapy.
Getting Older Leads To Depression
Adults experiencing depression are usually dealing with the same causes as anyone else. Age is not a defining trait of someone with depression. Depression can be caused by any number of factors, with one of them being a hormone imbalance. These kinds of imbalances can be treated with proper diagnosis and hormone therapy.
Retirement Leads To Lack Of Productivity
Just because someone has left the workforce, does not mean that they no longer contribute to the community they live in. Many take the abundant free time to engage in activities they did not have time for prior to retirement. Some dedicate time to volunteer services, while others pursue hobbies and travel.
Once You Retire, You’re No Longer Creative
This goes hand in hand with the previous myth. Taking full advantage of the free time available is something most retired people look forward to. Taking on new challenges, exploring hidden talents, or cultivating a new skill are all possible at any age. There’s no reason creative pursuits have to stop as soon as you have the time to work on them!
You Become More Lonely As You Age
There’s no hard and fast rule saying that you have to stop being social as you get older. While mobility can be an impediment to staying socially active and going out to participate in activities, it varies from person to person. Just like with other points on this list of misconceptions, people tend to carry over lifestyles and habits from earlier in life. If someone spends time avoiding social activity their whole life, they’ll potentially keep up that trend in later years.
Dementia Is Inevitable
Dementia is a condition that affects less than 10% of those over 65. This myth is linked to the idea that older people’s minds start to go with age. Dementia is very different than simply becoming more forgetful or not as quick with a joke. In some cases, these symptoms are the result of medications or other medical conditions that can be addressed and treated separately from dementia.
Any time you hear a phrase that lumps all members of a group together, you should be skeptical of it. The idea that all old people are the same is as ridiculous as the concept that all middle aged or younger people are the same. In most cases, it’s possible to maintain the same kind of life and level activity even as we get older. It’s all about how you approach your aging. With the right mindset and knowledge about how to adapt, aging doesn’t have to slow you down or completely flip your life!
