Sex and Intimacy After Having Kids
Everything changes when you become a parent. Suddenly your whole entire life revolves around a new little person, and there is so much joy in watching them grow and develop. However, as any veteran parent will tell you, there are drawbacks as well. One of those drawbacks often comes in the form of dramatic changes in how you and your partner experience intimacy together.
Between physical and hormonal changes after the birth of a child and changes in your schedule, energy levels, and relationship as your child grows up, having a fulfilling sex life with your partner can become a challenge. This can put a lot of strain on your relationship and your own personal happiness, but it doesn’t need to be this way! Your sex life can survive parenthood if you are willing to make changes in your approach to intimacy and work together to continue to make it a priority in your lives. The first step is knowing what to expect and creating a plan for how to change things going forward, so here’s what you need to know!
What Changes?
Hormones and Physical Changes
This is very important particularly for anyone who has just given birth, but a parent who did not give birth also experiences a rush of new hormones as they bond with their baby! The human body is biologically hardwired to care for newborns, and during the early stages when you’re adjusting to the new baby and your body might still be healing from delivery, it’s very normal for one or both partners to have a low interest in sex, and it’s important to set your own timeline and get back into things when both partners feel ready.
Time
If you don’t know it yet, you certainly will soon– kids are a lot of work, and time you once had available to spend with your partner will now be dedicated to them. This change in your schedule can lead to the simple logistical problem of having less time for intimacy, and finding a moment to spend with your partner can become a lot more difficult than it ever was before.
Environment
Where sex and intimacy were likely once spontaneous and easy in your life, you now have to worry about upset kids who want to sleep in your bed, toys on the sofa, dishes in the sink, and many other distractions and stressors in your physical environment that are competing for your attention, making it hard to find a time and place to engage with each other.
What to Do?
Have a Conversation
If you and your partner are going to get through this together, it’s crucial that you prioritize open and honest communication around your sex life. Sit down together and talk about what you’re feeling comfortable with, what your needs are, and where your head is at. Many parents who aren’t the primary caregiver can feel neglected by their partner, and many parents who are the primary caregiver can struggle with low libido as their entire life and body becomes dedicated to taking care of kids. Being honest about these feelings with each other will help you to grow understanding for yourself and your partner.
Make Plans
Just like you schedule doctor’s appointments and errands, you can and should schedule sex. Feeling like you’ve lost the spontaneity of your previous sex life can be difficult, but it’s worth it to maintain intimacy with your partner. Additionally, adjusting your mindset to view the entire day as foreplay and an opportunity to tease each other and get in the mood can help make things even more exciting!
Spend Time Together
One of the best ways to enhance intimacy with your partner is to spend time together without having sex at all. Making sure you find time for the physical is important, but it’s also important to just have and enjoy simple moments together, like some time spent cuddling after your children go to bed, a night out while the kids stay home with a babysitter, or a quick, fun conversation in the morning together before the day begins. Prioritizing nonsexual intimacy can make a big difference in your relationship.
While maintaining a healthy romantic and sexual relationship with your partner after you both become parents does take work, forethought, and cooperation, it is possible, and you’ll both be happier for it in the years to come! If you’re interested in learning more about reproductive health and wellness and hormonal imbalances, check out our blog here at Renewed Vitality!
The changes of pregnancy and the postpartum period are some of the most intense hormonal changes that a woman’s body will ever go through, and even though they’re normal, they can be difficult to manage. Right after birth, some hormone levels fall dramatically while others rise, and this is what leads to the postpartum issues that so many women experience– depression, extreme fatigue, hair loss, and more.
Knowing what to expect and some ways to cope with these changes can really help to make it easier for you to get through this stressful time! Here are some of the things you should know.
How do your hormones change postpartum?
Estrogen and Progesterone
Over the course of a pregnancy, estrogen and progesterone are at very high levels. Right after delivery, whether you deliver vaginally or via C-section, these two hormones drop very fast. This is a natural change– your body doesn’t need the high levels anymore and there are other hormones that need to get to work.
However, the sharp drop is often part of the reason (combined with the stress of labor and a new baby) that many women feel low or just “off” physically and emotionally right after the birth, and it’s a large contributor to postpartum depression in the following weeks and months. This change is also what leads to postpartum hair loss, and can contribute to some additional sleep disturbances on top of your new baby.
Around three months after your baby is born, your estrogen and progesterone levels will begin to return to normal.
Prolactin and Oxytocin
At the same time that your estrogen and progesterone levels are falling, your prolactin and oxytocin levels are rising. Oxytocin plays a role in labor– it’s the hormone that stimulates uterine contractions. It also plays a major role in early mother-child bonding. Prolactin, on the other hand, is the hormone involved in milk production.
If you choose not to breastfeed, these hormone levels will drop off fairly quickly, but if you do nurse your baby, they will stay elevated until the baby is about six months old. Around this time they start to eat solid foods, so their demand for breast milk will slowly start to taper off, which is why this hormonal change happens.
What can I do to manage postpartum hormonal changes?
Focus on Your Diet
One of the most effective ways to get through rising and falling hormones during the postpartum period is to focus on eating a nutritious diet. Adding in plenty of healthy fats and proteins as well as fruits and vegetables will not only help your energy and mood, but can set your body up as well as possible to produce the hormones you need.
Accept Any Help You Can
As much as hearing it is probably exasperating, reducing your stress levels and getting plenty of sleep and gentle exercise will do wonders for how you feel as you recover from birth. Obviously, with a new baby, that’s much, much easier said than done! As a result, one of the best things you can do for your physical and mental health is to get help.
From your partner to friends and family members to professional services if you can afford them, there are plenty of ways for you to get the assistance you need so that you can care for yourself and your baby as efficiently as possible. Let loved ones cook you meals or come clean the house and do laundry! Split nighttime feedings and diaper changes as evenly as possible with your partner, and enlist them to hold the baby while you take a shower and have some time to yourself. Any way you can find to focus on your own wellbeing in addition to your baby’s will help you to feel better as you ride out these hormonal changes.
Speak to Your Doctor
When all else fails, difficulty with hormone levels during your postpartum period is definitely something you should speak to your doctor about. They can help you with any concerns about your health, so make sure to prioritize yourself and make an appointment if you feel like you need it!
Throughout pregnancy and for some time after, the body’s hormonal balance and composition shifts. Once the pregnancy ends, many women find their bodies in a state of hormone shock. In addition to all of the fresh duties motherhood brings with it, the body must also adjust to the new normal of postpartum life.
What causes these hormonal imbalances?
While the simple answer is “childbirth,” there’s more specifics going on here. The most common imbalance is that of estrogen and progesterone. These two hormones are incredibly important to the development and continued health of both mother and child during pregnancy as well as after. The reason these fall out of balance is because throughout pregnancy, the placenta produces large amounts of progesterone, and the rest of the body adjusts estrogen production to match.
Once the placenta is delivered, the regular source of progesterone is gone, but the body is still producing far too much estrogen. This is known as estrogen dominance. Symptoms of estrogen dominance include insomnia, mood swings, and difficulty losing weight to name a few. Usually these levels balance out over time, but there are several ways to speed up the process.
How do you combat these imbalances?
Increase Fiber Intake
Increasing fiber intake can go a long way towards cutting down on abundant estrogen in the blood. Fiber binds to estrogen as well as cholesterol, and carries it out of the body. High in fiber foods like lentils and whole wheat pastas are great sources of the fiber your body needs.
Avoid Refined Sugars
Excess carbohydrates and sugars are stored as fat in the body. Bodies that have more stored fat produce more estrogen, which would exacerbate the situation. Instead of eating foods like white bread or most kinds of pasta that contain processed sugars, shoot for some low-carb options. Replace the bread on your sandwich with some crisp lettuce leaves!
Avoid Alcohol and Caffeine
These substances can cause your hormone levels to shift unpredictably, making it difficult to treat any existing hormone imbalance. By interfering with the hormone producing glands like the thyroid, ovaries, and pancreas, these imbalances can become much worse and lead to long term problems.
Increase Vitamin D intake
Vitamin D can potentially lower estrogen levels in the blood. You can raise your vitamin D intake by spending more time in the sun, or adding a supplement to your diet.
Get More Rest
Make sure to schedule in plenty of rest, as lack of sleep can lead to even more problems when it comes to hormonal imbalances. Sleep is a time for our bodies to recover, and without that rest period, the body is more susceptible to future hormone imbalance issues.
Speak with a professional
If your hormone levels are out of sync, it can seem like you are alone, but you’re not. Millions of women experience the same imbalances after pregnancy, and there is help out there. If you’re looking for assistance with your postpartum hormone imbalance, the experts at Renewed Vitality are ready to help! Schedule a consultation today.
